


Star-Crossed

by ljunattainable



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Ash - Freeform, Bobby - Freeform, Fluff, Jo - Freeform, M/M, Magic, Mary - Freeform, No Sex, Pining, astronaut!dean, destielrb2017, ellen - Freeform, kevin - Freeform, mentioned - Freeform, space elf!Cas
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-31
Updated: 2017-05-31
Packaged: 2018-11-07 11:00:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,604
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11057565
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ljunattainable/pseuds/ljunattainable
Summary: Dean's an astronaut on the ISS and although he believes aliens are out there somewhere he doesn't actually expect to meet one, let alone fall in love with one.





	Star-Crossed

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks to my inspiring artist and the patience of the mods. I loved writing this story and probably never would have if not for my artist and the perfect picture. Send some love here: [tumblr](http://cassmatazz.tumblr.com/post/161254720334).

“Hi, Sam,” Charlie says loudly in Dean’s ear, waving at Sam on Dean’s monitor as she glides past behind him, hand over hand. This is one of the problems with the ISS; no privacy. Dean ignores her.

“Hi Charlie, how’s it going?” Sam says. He waves. 

The signal’s a little jerky and Dean thinks his brother looks like one of those puppets from Thunderbirds, but his voice comes clearly into the module as if he’s in the next room and not feet planted firmly on Earth, while Dean orbits four-hundred kilometers up, five and a half months into a six-month tour on the International Space Station.

“Great Sam,” says Charlie, “Just grandiose-a. Even though experimental plants one-five-eight-A have yellow-tipped leaves.”

“Give it a rest with the plants, Charlie,” Dean complains. 

“Yeah, yeah.” Charlie stops at a console and starts typing. “You should start caring about the plants Dean-o. They’re going to cure cancer one day.”

“So you keep telling me.” Dean’s going to stick to his engineering project and the giant computer in space thanks very much. Dean turns back to Sam. They’ve been talking for thirty minutes and Dean now knows more than he wants to know about Mom’s ‘colleague’, Ketch, and the new lease of life he’s given her. “Well, I’d better go and do some astronaut stuff, I guess.”

“Yeah, okay.” Sam pauses and looks away from the camera. “Um…there’s just one more thing before you go.” Sam looks around him, everywhere but the camera. Dean’s not sure what could have him more embarrassed than discussing Mom’s sex life.

“Spit it out, man.”

“Yeah.” Sam looks back at the camera. “When you get back, there’s someone I want you to meet.”

“Oh? A good someone or a bad someone?”

“A good someone; a girl…woman.”

Dean can’t help grinning. “Awesome!” he says. Maybe if Sam’s got himself a girl he’ll give Dean a break. “What’s she like?”

Sam describes her with animated enthusiasm, and sounding happy. “Her name’s Eileen. She’s amazing. She’s cute, and she’s smart; She’s doing a doctorate in engineering. You guys will be able to geek out with each other.”

“I hope she’s tall enough to kiss that ugly mug of yours without you having to bend double.”

“She’s short. Ish.”

“Ah, well. We’re all the same size in bed.”

Sam puts his face into his hand and his voice comes out muffled. “Jeez, Dean.”

“Just kidding. She sounds perfect for you, Sam.”

“She is.” Sam clears his throat. “I think she might be the one, Dean.”

Dean calls over his shoulder, “Hey guys! My little brother’s getting married!”

“Congratulations, Sam!”

“When’s the ceremony?”

“Dean…”

“When I get back so I can be best man, obviously.”

“That’s great.”

“Dean!”

“What, Sam?”

“It’s too early for that! Quit it will you?”

“Just kidding, Sam, you know I am.” Dean chuckles. “But you will get married when I’m on terra firma, and not stuck up here, just you make sure, okay?”

Sam sighs. “Yes, Dean.”

~~~~~

Dean looks down the list of jobs he wants to finish before his tour is up. It’s as long as his arm and then some. The stylus floats nearby on its bit of string and Dean grabs it and crosses out ‘port side waste’. 

Some of the things on the list he definitely has to do, but most are things he wants to do before Bobby comes up to replace him. 

Technically everyone has to chip in with station maintenance but Dean enjoys working with what are essentially just fancy spanners and wrenches to keep the station cruising sweet.

Bobby’s the oldest astronaut to tour on the ISS, and he taught Dean almost everything he knows about how to get the ‘feel’ of a ship so things can be fixed before they go wrong. Dean owes him a lot, and loves him like family, but he’s a cantankerous old bugger and Dean’s not going to leave any job half done and end up with an earful of criticism.

He sticks his list to a tuft of Velcro on his hip and uses both hands to guide himself back to where Kevin and Charlie are still arguing about the damn plants. 

The station’s got a crew of five at the moment; Dean, Charlie, Kevin, Jo and Ash. Dean and Jo are both representing the US. Charlie’s from Canada and is primarily a botanist but in her down time sits and writes computer programs. Kevin’s representing Japan though he’s not Japanese. This time around he’s the station commander; the youngest one there’s ever been but he’s good at it. Kevin’s a botanist too, hence he and Charlie are always arguing about plants. Ash is the station’s ubiquitous Russian. Dean’s never met a Russian like him; or many other people like him as it happens. He doesn’t do EVAs unless he absolutely must as the helmets on the EMUs ruin his Mohican haircut. His mission’s up the same time as Dean so they’ll be heading back to Earth together. 

“Waste on the port side is fixed,” Dean announces. Kevin and Charlie ignore him. 

“The tips of the leaves are yellow!”

“They’re not yellow, they’re pale green.”

Dean shrugs and heads for the panel to log the repair.

“I think I’ll do the EVA tomorrow,” he says.

Kevin and Charlie stop discussing the plants, however temporarily.

“Okay,” Kevin says. “I’ll log it and clear it with control. What’s on the list?”

“A sensor playing up, and routine maintenance.”

“Okay.” He turns back to Charlie. “Take one of the plants and do some tests.”

“What’s up with the plants?” Jo says, floating into the room.

“Don’t ask,” Dean says. 

“They’re sick.”

“They’re fine!”

Jesus. 

Dean decides that now is a good time to go and check that sticky switch on the right-hand control panel that’s way back near the centrifuge.

“They’re not supposed to be that color.”

Yep; now is definitely a good time to do that.

~~~~~

Dean can’t remember ever wanting to be anything except an astronaut. Even if, as a kid, he suspected a lot of it would be mostly boring, floating in a box in space just above the Earth with people you may or may not get along with. 

Dean does get along with everyone overall, but the mostly boring, floating in space just above the Earth has proven to be mostly accurate. Even so, Dean loves it, and he especially loves EVAs. There’s something magnificent about floating in space with nothing between you and the universe except an EMU.

Dean continues to check around the two EMUs. It’s a couple of months since anyone has needed to do an EVA. It was Dean and Kevin that time around. This time it’s Charlie’s turn. It’s her first EVA to Dean’s fifth and Dean knows she’s nervous. He’s going to look after her though; show her the wonders of the universe outside the station.

He pushes the communications button. “EMUs checked, set, and ready to go.”

“Roger,” Kevin’s voice comes over the Intercom. “We’re on our way.”

Charlie’s the first to arrive, trying to hide her eagerness. Dean winks at her. 

Kevin and Ash arrive soon after to help them suit up. Kevin hands Charlie an anti-nausea patch, and offers one to Dean but he shakes his head. Charlie puts hers on and Dean nods approvingly; nothing would be more awful than suffocating in a helmet full of vomit on your first EVA.

The ISS being a high-pressure station, and the EMUs being low-pressure suits, it means four hours of pre-breathing to avoid the bends, and Kevin pulls out the playing cards when he’s satisfied Dean and Charlie are properly cocooned. By the time Dean’s won ten days’ worth of chocolate rations off Kevin, Ash and Charlie, it’s time to go.

“Don’t worry, Charlie,” Dean says when he catches sight of Charlie’s nervous face by the airlock door. “Nothing can go wrong.”

How the gods the planets are named after must be laughing their celestial heads off.

Once outside, it’s as stunning as Dean remembers. The stars sparkle unhindered by atmosphere or the four panes of glass that make up the windows of the ISS. Only his visor is between him and the vastness in front of him. Earth is behind him but it’s not Earth that gives him the thrill. It’s the thought of what’s out there on the other side, the expanse to the edge of their galaxy, then what? Nothing? Then another galaxy, and another, and another, for how long no-one knows. Forever? 

Dean just knows that some of those galaxies in that forever have worlds where other lifeforms live, and it excites him to look out that way and imagine those other lifeforms looking back at him. 

He blinks, startled, at something moving in front of his visor and comes reluctantly back to reality as Charlie waves her hand in front of his face. 

“Charlie to EV-1. Anyone home?”

Dean sticks his tongue out at her and she giggles, but she’s right; they need to get down to business.

They start pulling their way, hand over hand, along the hull of the station. Everything is in slow motion in the cumbersomeness of the EMUs and there’s no room for impatience. Dean leads, heading for an array of sensors on the outside of the Canadian experiment lab. They’ll check for damage from microscopic space particles, replace a few wires, then move on and check all the hardware on that module while they’re outside. 

Dean floats happily, comfortable in his EMU, one hand on the outside rail to Charlie’s two. He raises a hand and waves at her and she lifts a hand tentatively into space and waves back, grinning at her bravery.

“You having fun there, EV-2?”

“This is frigging awesome, EV-1!”

Dean grins. “Yeah. It really is.” He turns back to the rails and pulls himself up to the module that houses the Canadian lab.

“This is the place,” he says as Charlie pulls herself up beside him. “ISS, this is EV-1. We’re tying ourselves on.”

“Roger, EV-1.”

Dean and Charlie both unclip a lanyard from their EMU that’s attached to a cable not more than a couple of feet long, and they clip it to the ISS.

“Number two spanner,” Dean says, and he and Charlie get started on the maintenance. 

Their radios keep them company with chatter from inside the station and on the ground and Dean and Charlie interrupt with progress reports and chatter about the view. They’re on the Earth side of the station right now and they only have to look over their shoulder to see the blue and white planet looming nearby. Clouds are swirling over Africa with a coming storm that looks like a doozy. Dean tries to keep his attention on the job at hand, but no-one minds a little sightseeing on an EVA.

The first sensor array takes thirty minutes then Dean unclips his lanyard, and Charlie does the same and they pull themselves gracefully along the station’s hull to the next cluster of equipment, clip their lanyards, and repeat. When they circle the module and are facing space instead of Earth, Dean does a time-check but they’ve still hours of air left so he’s going to make the most of it.

Some would say the view on the space side isn’t anywhere near as engaging as the Earth side but they’d be wrong in Dean’s opinion. He points out Mars and Jupiter to Charlie as they stop by the next array to attach their lanyards. The planets look close because of where they are in their orbits, Jupiter shining a bright white against Mars’s smaller, duller reddish tinge. Dean hopes he’ll be flying long enough to make it to Mars. He’s certainly going for it if the mission comes up.

They finish their maintenance on the array, and head for the next. This one’s a short pull along the outside, then they’ll have a short jet burst across to the next module.

Even though it’s Charlie’s first EVA, she’s well practiced in the technique but Dean keeps an eye on her anyway as she guides herself across the gap without any rope or handholds to keep her attached to the ISS. 

“That was amazing,” she says happily a few seconds later as she flicks the jet off and grabs a handrail on the other module, swinging around to face Dean. 

Dean couldn’t agree more. He turns on his jet and points himself towards the other module, planning on going around behind Charlie. This, right here, is what he became an astronaut for; this ten seconds of freedom in space every now and again. He floats past Charlie who lifts a hand up and he meets her high five with his glove and the impact throws him a little wide of the ship. 

“Dean?” Charlie says, clearly alarmed.

“No problem,” Dean says and nudges himself back on course. He does a twirl just to wind Charlie up.

“Don’t be an ass,” Charlie grumbles.

Laughing, Dean nudges himself back towards the ISS. 

“Nothing can go wrong, remember?”

He flicks the switch to turn the jets off so he can float the last couple of feet back to the station on momentum alone but nothing happens. He hits the station hard and bounces off, heading roughly in the direction of Jupiter. 

“Dean? EV-1? Shit,” Charlies says, obvious panic in her voice.

“I’m fine EV-2,” Dean assures her. “I’ve just got to turn this damn jet off before I come back to the station or I’m going to wallop it frigging hard. ISS? You reading this?”

“Roger. We can see you in the window. Get that Jet off Dean before you get too far. You’re moving away fast.”

Dean plays with the switch, but the jet keeps firing. “What the hell do you think I’m trying to do?”

“EV-1, this is EV-2. I’m coming to get you.”

“EV-2, don’t you dare,” Dean practically yells into the radio. “You hang tight to that damn station and stay the hell where you are. If you come after me, you’ll use up your jet fuel and then we’ll both be stuck out here.”

“EV-2, this is ISS. Come back inside; we can do more for Dean from in here.”

Dean knows he’s picking up speed all the time and he doesn’t have an endless supply of fuel in the jets but when they stop he’ll keep going. Shit; he’s going to miss Sam’s wedding.

“EV-1, this is mission control. what’s your status?” The calm tones of Ellen, mission co-ordinator, family friend and Jo’s mom would be comforting at any other time. At one time she’d tried to dissuade both Jo and Dean from becoming astronauts. It’s too dangerous, work on the ground instead, she’d said. But they’d both been stubborn and determined. We’ll be fine, they’d said, and now of course, Ellen gets to say I told you so.

“Mission control, this is EV-1. Jets are still firing and I can’t turn them off. I’m looking to see if I can detach the jets.” Goddamnit, why do we need so much fuel in these damn things?

Dean can’t detach the jets from inside the suit.

“EV-1, mission control. You can’t detach the jets from inside the suit.” No kidding. “And,” there’s an ominous pause, “there’s thirty minutes of fuel in the packs.”

Dean can go a long way in thirty minutes. The jets are for pottering around the ISS; thirty minutes probably didn’t seem like a lot when they designed the packs. 

Dean hears Kevin and Jo getting Charlie into the station. Charlie’s screaming at them to help Dean and Kevin’s trying to calm her down. At least Charlie’s safe. Dean looks at his watch. It’s been roughly ten minutes since he got bounced off the station; ten minutes of maximum thrust. Even if someone could come after him right now without suiting up and pre-breathing and risking the bends, they won’t catch him. He’s accelerating all the time.

“EV-1, mission control. ISS say you have four hours of air left. That sound right to you?”

For what it’s worth. “Mission control, EV-1. Yes, four hours and eleven minutes by my reckoning.”

“We’re looking at options. Just hang in there, Dean.”

Options? What Options? There are no options. There’s nothing currently on the ISS that can be used to come and get him. There’s no time for EMUs, the Soyuz isn’t for rescue missions, there’s no time for help from Earth. Dean’s got no idea what ‘options’ means.

“Sure,” he says. “I’m not going anywhere… well actually I think I’m heading towards Jupiter if that helps you find me.”

After a while, the jets stop, not that it makes much odds to Dean. Dean keeps going. He knows he’s moving fast further and further away from the ISS but the radio reception in the EMU wasn’t designed for this and the voices that kept telling him they’re looking at options and to have faith have already faded. The ISS is lost, hidden by the bright glow of Earth.

Dean can’t tell he’s still moving; the stars don’t change position, Earth doesn’t get noticeably smaller, there’s no sense of movement. Only logic tells him that he’s drifting further away. He’s going to die, but he’s strangely not afraid. He looks at his watch and sees that he’s got two hours of air left. He’s disappointed of course that he won’t get to meet Sam’s Eileen, or be an uncle to the inevitable sprogs, but he can think of worse ways to go; at least he’s never going to be sitting in a rocking chair in an old folks home.

The stars are still pretty. 

Dean wishes he could turn himself around so that he’s not staring at Earth, but without the jets he’s no longer got anything to cause enough friction for movement. There’s nothing to push against in space. 

Dean didn’t reckon on the hallucinations.

The alien that suddenly appears in front of him isn’t any of the traditional colors of green or grey; he doesn’t have a huge, completely bald head hiding the brain that’s presumably ten times the size of Dean’s; he doesn’t have big, black alien eyes that only reflect his victim as he performs live vivisection on them. 

In fact, the alien looks like a normal human male with thick dark hair that possibly hasn’t seen a brush in a while, and amazingly blue eyes that are very much a normal human size and currently look rather startled. It’s true, the alien is carrying a silver instrument that could well be meant for performing vivisection, but he doesn’t look much like a vivisectionist to Dean. Not that Dean knows what a vivisectionist looks like. Or an alien for that matter. 

The only alien feature the alien seems to have are pointy ears like a Vulcan, which Dean can see very clearly as the alien isn’t wearing any kind of spacesuit; everything except his head and hands is covered in a tunic like he’s just stepped off the set of Merlin. 

The alien stares at Dean; Dean stares back. Well he might as well enjoy the hallucination as it’s here.

“Hi,” Dean says. He lifts a gloved hand to wave and the hallucination follows the movement with his eyes, then copies it.

“Hello,” he says.

Dean supposes he shouldn’t be surprised that an hallucination constructed presumably by his own imagination speaks, and English at that.

“You’re pretty good for an hallucination,” Dean says, impressed.

“I’m not an hallucination,” the hallucination says, tilting his head and looking at Dean curiously. “I’m an elf.”

“A space elf?” Dean scoffs.

“I’m an elf in space, so I suppose that yes, technically, I’m a space elf.” 

Dean pauses. The hallucination, or space elf, floats in front of him. Dean’s never been a huge fan of fantasy.

“Space elves don’t exist.”

“I exist, so technically that statement isn’t true.” The hallucination circles around Dean  
keeping a reasonable distance but it unnerves Dean when he disappears behind him from his right side until he reappears on his left.

“You’re human.” The hallucination says. “From the third planet. What are you doing here? You can’t survive out here.”

“You don’t need to tell me something I already know, thanks very much. You wanna put it any more bluntly than that?” 

The hallucination looks at him quizzically. “I can put it more bluntly if you like. You –”

Dean rolls his eyes in his helmet. “I just mean I know. I got separated unintentionally from the space station. Hey,” he says sardonically. “How about you take me back in your spaceship. Oh, wait, you don’t have a spaceship because you’re a frigging hallucination.”

The hallucination narrows his eyes. “I’m not an hallucination.” Dean thinks he’s annoyed.

“If you’re not an hallucination, and you’ve got no helmet, how are you breathing?” 

“That can best be explained by analysis of the poly-linear nature of matter and anti-matter as they exist in multiple dimensions simultaneously.” Dean gawps at him. The corner of the space elf’s mouth twitches. “It’s magic,” the elf says.

Well goddamn-it the thing has a sense of humor.

“Okay, dude, elf, whatever your name is…”

“My name is Castiel,” the elf says, peering at Dean with an endearing little frown as if Dean should have known that.

“Well, Castiel,” Dean says, “I’m Dean, and let’s assume for now that you’re real and not an hallucination –”

“I am real.”

“Didn’t I just say that?” Castiel scowls at him and Dean grins and winks. Dean quite likes the little space elf. “Magic, though, isn’t real.”

“Yes it is.”

“No it isn’t.”

“Yes it …”

“Okay, okay,” Dean says, holding up a halting hand with a huge grin. He peers at Castiel. “And I can hear you and talk to you in space …?”

“Because of magic.”

“And you suddenly appeared out of nowhere …?”

“Because of magic.” Cas blinks and disappears, then reappears closer to Dean. Dean jumps in his suit. Dean could reach out and touch him if he wanted to. Maybe he will, just to confirm he’s really there. But then again what if he reaches out and Castiel isn’t there at all? He keeps his hands where they are for now.

“Where I come from, there’s no such thing as magic. It’s all tricks.”

“Where I come from there’s only magic.”

“How about you magic me back to the space station, then?”

Cas shakes his head sadly. “I’m not allowed to interfere.”

“Why are you here then, Cas, if you’re not going to rescue me?” Dean says bitterly.

“I’ve never met a human,” Castiel says as if his curiosity is justified and self-explanatory. “Though I’ve spent some time observing. I’m exceptionally pleased that you were here when I came to collect stardust.”

If this is Castiel’s exceptionally pleased, Dean wonders what he looks like when he’s depressed.

“Well, you’ve met one now so why are you still here?”

“I thought you might like company. I can go if you prefer; the stardust is just as good around Neptune.”

“No, don’t go,” Dean says quickly. He does want the company and maybe he can persuade Cas to send him back to the space station after all before his air runs out. He hunts around for something else to say that will break the awkward silence that probably only he thinks is awkward. “Well,” he says eventually. “Tell me about where you come from. I mean, what’s your world like?”

“I’m not supposed to …”

“But I’m going to die so you might as well.”

Cas considers him seriously. “Yes.”

“Well?”

“My world isn’t like yours,” Cas starts.

“No kidding?” Dean says.

“Yes, well.” Cas clears his throat. “Everything in my world is magical; there’s no real physical constraints.” Cas looks around as if someone’s listening and for all Dean knows they could be; watching and listening. “It’s… well, it’s boring at times,” Cas adds in a whisper that implies he’s going to be flogged if anyone hears him saying that.

“Boring?”

“There’s no food,” Cas says. “We don’t need to eat. I’ve watched you eating food and I very much want to try one of those things you call a burger.”

“You do huh?” Dean chuckles then remembers he himself is never going to have another burger. “I’ll make you a burger you’ll never forget if you get me out of here,” he says.

Cas looks at him. “I can’t.”

“My brother’s getting married,” Dean says out of the blue. “I was going to be best man but now I’m going to miss the wedding. I wonder who will be best man?” Dean thinks Jo will and to heck with tradition. Sam doesn’t have a single good male friend. Jo will do him proud. “Have you got any brothers or sisters?”

“Many; thousands,” Cas says, and Dean stares at him speechless. “But not brothers and sisters in the way you have them. We don’t have family in the same way that you do.”

“That’s sad,” Dean says. 

Cas shrugs. “Why?”

Dean thinks about Sam; about watching him grow up, about protecting him from being bullied, teaching him about space, watching the stars with him; taking him to firework displays; arguing about who the best superhero is.

“You missed out on a lot is all. You know,” Dean says with a bright idea forming. “You should come and meet Sam. Come to the wedding. I mean, we’ll have to hide those ears of yours; get you a woolly hat or something.”

Cas at least doesn’t say outright that Dean’s not going to make it to Sam’s wedding. 

“Show me instead?” Cas says. He reaches a hand out so he’s almost touching Dean’s suit. Dean thinks he feels a tingle but he knows he’s imagining it. 

“How?”

Cas’s fingers ease forward until they’re passing through Dean’s suit. Dean gasps and instinctively tries to pull himself away but he can’t go anywhere. There’s a warm sensation at the spot where Cas’s fingers are now touching him on the arm through the LCVG he wears under his EMU and an image flashes briefly in his mind of beings just like Cas, floating through corridors of light. 

“Like that,” Cas says, withdrawing his hand out of Dean’s suit and back to his side. “It’s harmless. I’ll prompt your memories. You might see things you don’t remember that you remember.”

Something in Dean fights instinctively at the thought of having an alien, Cas, invade his mind and read his thoughts but on the other hand, if Dean can make Cas understand how important Sam and Mom and Jo, Ellen and Bobby are to him maybe he’ll feel some sympathy and magic Dean back to the ISS.

Dean says okay.

Cas doesn’t waste any time. His fingers slide through Dean’s helmet to touch him on the forehead. Dean sees images of his childhood flashing through his head like a freak PowerPoint; Sam at school, Dad dying, Mom working all hours, Sam teaching Dean how to do differential equations and the light going on in Dean’s head that made everything easier from that point forward; the step that got Dean to where he is right now. Then they’re older and bickering, Dean leaves home to go to university, Sam goes to law school. Then there’s a bright, white flash in Dean’s mind, like a silent explosion.

Sam is gone from Dean’s thoughts. Dean sees Cas as a kid reading in a corner, being taken for a walk along a seashore by an elder elf, then Dean and Sam are playing mini-golf, then Cas is learning to fly. The switches are going so fast, Dean can’t keep up. He feels warmth and love, but he can feel Cas’s alarm. Cas pulls his hand back with a start and Dean feels the loss of the connection like a kick to the head.

“That… wasn’t supposed to happen,” Cas says, looking frightened. He’s staring at Dean. “You’re human.”

“What the hell just happened?” Dean says, his voice coming out as a croak as he tries to shrink into his suit.

“Nothing, nothing,” Cas says, backing away from Dean.

Cas looks ready for flight. Dean doesn’t understand what the hell is happening but he doesn’t want Cas to leave and it’s more than simply not wanting to die alone.

“Don’t you dare leave me alone out here, Cas.”

“I’m… I …” Cas looks around frantically.

“Cas?” Dean says. He knows him; he doesn’t know how, but he knows Cas. He knows he’s panicking about being caught out, but caught out in what? 

Dean’s still got flashes of images in his head; towers, corridors, libraries, the soaring feeling of flying but without the weight of gravity or noise of engines. And Cas is there with Dean, a small smile on his face, happy to be showing Dean his world. And there are other images, where they’re walking in a park on Earth and Dean’s giving Cas different foods to try; letting him feel the leaves on the trees; teaching him to ride a bike. It’s ridiculous. Maybe this was a ruse of some kind to take Dean’s mind off dying except that Cas looks even more spooked than Dean.

Cas suddenly and urgently turns back to Dean. He looks him in the eye then lifts his hand towards Dean’s helmet. Dean doesn’t have any time to react and there isn’t much he could do in any case. He closes his eyes, and his stomach does a flip. He thinks he’s going to be sick. He opens his eyes to empty space. Cas is gone.

“Cas?” he yells, twisting his head as far as he can to get as wide a view as possible.

“Dean? Holy crap, Dean?”

“Charlie?”

There’s a clatter of radio chatter; radio chatter he shouldn’t have been able to hear. Loud, astounded, excited radio chatter from the station and from Earth. He checks his air; twenty minutes left; he’s on the emergency tank already but he still doesn’t know how he’s hearing the radio. Maybe he can talk to Sam? Wish him well; tell him it’s fine, really; it was worth it, then the radio calms down and Kevin’s voice is all Dean hears.

“Dean? Put your left hand down and thirty centimeters back. There’s a handrail.”

Dean puts his hand down and back as instructed; slowly and carefully, not daring to believe. His gloved fingers brush against a solid object and he grabs it desperately like the lifeline it is.

He’s holding on to the ISS. He’s right outside the door. He’s ten minutes from being safe. Cas saved him, but why? Cas is going to be in a lot of trouble, maybe irredeemable trouble.

“Dean? Are you okay? We’re ready for you; get your ass through that door before your air runs out.”

“Yeah, I’m okay. Sorry.” Dean swings around, hanging on to the handrail for dear life, and pushes buttons in a numb daze. The door opens and Dean floats inside. It all feels unreal. He sees excited faces crowded around the door peering through the glass at him waiting for him. Dean should be happy; he should be ecstatic and he is really, but Cas put himself on the line for Dean and Dean desperately needs to see him again and know that he’s alright.

~~~~

“You were rescued by an alien?”

Dean huffs. No-one believes him. He gets it’s not very believable but he thought his trust level was way up there.

“Not an alien; a space elf. A space elf with, um,” Okay, he knows it sounds ridiculous. “magic powers,” he mumbles.

Kevin shakes his head and his expression says clearly that he thinks Dean’s gone mad.

“You were almost out of air. Maybe you were hallucinating? I mean, there are no such thing as … um… space elves or … um … magic.”

Dean gets why people don’t believe him but he doesn’t get why people won’t give him the benefit of the doubt. He’s got more experience than everyone else on this station. He knows what happened sounds fantastical but he didn’t hallucinate it.

“His name is Castiel and he’s probably in a shit-load of trouble for rescuing me and I just want to borrow the comms equipment and try and check in with him.”

“Dean – ” 

“How the hell do you think I got back here then if it wasn’t Cas?”

Jo puts her hand gently on his shoulder. “We don’t know, we accept that, but a space elf with no spaceship, who doesn’t need a suit to survive, who can talk to you, in English, in a vacuum and who zapped you back to the station with a touch of his pinky –”

“Index finger,” Dean says miserably. “Index and middle finger, actually.”

Jo squeezes his shoulder. “Doesn’t it seem more probable that you hallucinated this Castiel and that you made it back to the station through a perfectly explainable phenomena or event that we just haven’t worked out yet?”

Dean looks around at all their faces. He knows Cas is real but his fellow astronauts are looking anxious and worried about his sanity, and Dean has no evidence. Without evidence, they’re always going to come down on the side of a natural explanation they just haven’t found yet, and if Dean keeps insisting that Cas is real and that his alternative magic world exists, he’ll be on the fastest ship home, quietly retired with honor, and that’ll be the end of his NASA and air force career. 

And Dean needs the almost two weeks remaining of his tour to find Cas. If they ship him home, not only never to return but also without access to NASAs radio telemetry, what hope has he got?

“Yeah,” Dean sighs. “I guess you guys are right. It seemed so real though.”

The relief on everyone’s faces is palpable. 

“I’m sure we’ll find out how you got back when we look into it.” Kevin says.

“I’m sure you’re right,” Dean agrees.

~~~~

It takes five days of trying before Dean manages to get any kind of response from Cas. Dean’s persistent hovering by the radio during ISS nights, pinging signals out into space, away from the direction of Earth, had yielded no previous response and Dean didn’t know if Cas was even hearing him, or maybe he could hear, but wasn’t replying?

Or maybe Dean had got it wrong about what happened between them, but he doesn’t think so. The way he feels now, their connection is real, and magical in the true sense of the word, however cliché that sounds. Dean knows they’re supposed to be together, but what if Cas doesn’t feel the same? Or maybe he can turn it off at his end? Cas was terrified because Dean was human, and Dean’s not sure where that leaves them.

“Where the hell have you been?” Dean whispers when Cas’s voice eventually comes through the radio headphones.

The light is dim and the module is silent but Dean still casts a nervous glance down the corridor towards where his colleagues are sleeping. Dean’s debriefing from the mission control was unsatisfactory, with Dean claiming ignorance about how he got back to the station when everyone had written him off as lost. Kevin had obviously reported Dean’s original story about Cas but since then Dean’s kept quiet and he’s keen not to give anyone even the slightest suspicion that he may be quiet on the subject, but that doesn’t mean he’s stopped believing. So what if he’s yawning and bleary-eyed during the day? He’s on wind-down to going home and can do the work on his list with his eyes shut. 

Cas grumbles, sounding annoyed, but it’s so good to hear his voice. “It’s been difficult; I haven’t been left alone.”

“I’ve been worried sick. Are you okay?”

Cas sighs, his anger deflating somewhat. “Yes. But I’m being watched constantly. I’m only here now because I have an understanding friend.”

“Well, thank your friend for me.”

“I will. Gabriel looked after me a lot when I was growing up. He’s rather amused by our predicament.”

Cas ends his sentence slowly and Dean remembers his frightened face and decides that Gabriel, for all his support, must be a bit of a dick to be finding this funny.

“Well, I guess we have to be grateful for any help we can get. Any chance he can help you get away so I can see you again?”

“I don’t know. It’s a big ask but I am trying. If they find out he’s helping me he’ll be in trouble too, though he doesn’t seem to care.”

“I need to see you Cas. It’s important to me. I… I want to talk more with you; get to know you.”

“And I, you.”

“Then how?”

Dean doesn’t get his answer. 

“I have to go,” Cas says urgently. Cas sounds more distant already. “I have to go, but I’ll be back in touch.”

“Cas?” 

But Cas has already gone.

Dean checks the radio logs but there’s no record of any radio activity since the evening report, not even Dean’s voice is recorded, or the pings Dean sent out into space. 

Dean should consider whether he has in fact made this all up, and Cas doesn’t really exist; after all, there’s not a single jot of proof, but he discards the thought as soon as it comes. He knows Cas is real. There’s no way he could be feeling this way if Cas wasn’t real. Cas’s absence is a weight in Dean’s chest, squeezing his heart, leaving him breathless, making his stomach feel hollow. 

He doesn’t know how he can feel this way about someone he’s only met once, and someone not even human, he just knows he does. Dean always said he’d need to find someone who was in the ‘business’; someone who would truly understand what it was like to be in space; to see the stars and reach out as if you could touch them; to see the beauty of Earth and the barrenness of the moon from orbit. Dean had also always said he’d never have a relationship with someone he worked with which hadn’t left him many options. Not until now.

Dean doesn’t have to wait long for Cas’s next contact. The next night after the radio call, Cas is there, in the module right next to him. Dean opens his mouth to speak and Cas puts his finger up to his mouth urgently to shush him.

“I can be heard,” he whispers.

“By your people?” Dean whispers back.

“No, yours.”

Dean nods in understanding. “It’s okay. As long as we don’t do anything loud…” he pauses at the thought, glancing up and down at Cas in his tunic and briefly imagining Cas out of his tunic. He clears his throat. Ejaculation in space is a bit messy. “They’re along there out of earshot.” He points down the corridor.

He tentatively reaches his fingers out and touches Cas’s cheek. Cas closes his eyes and leans into him like a cat. 

“I needed to see if what I am feeling is real,” Cas says, opening his eyes and staring at Dean in wonder.

“And is it?” Dean asks, his heart in his throat waiting for the answer, though he can see the answer in Cas’s expression.

“Yes,” Cas says. “It’s happened before to others of my siblings but I didn’t believe it.”

“Now you know.”

Cas peers at Dean. “Now I know.”

“So what do we do now?”

“My family don’t approve. They’ll do everything they can to stop me having any contact with you.”

“To be fair, I’m not sure mine are going to be particularly pleased either,” Dean says. “So, are we going to listen to them?”

“No.”

“Thank God for that.”

Cas shakes his head slowly. “Us wanting it doesn’t make it any easier. I don’t expect my family will let me leave. Even now it was hard to come here to you and I can’t expect my friends to keep covering for me.”

Castiel steps closer so they’re almost touching and drops his head to Dean’s shoulder.

“Then what do we do?” Dean asks, lifting his hand to rake his fingers through Cas’s hair. It’s real. It’s all real.

“I don’t know. I don’t want to leave my home forever; I still have work to do; I have friends.”

Dean wraps his arms around Cas and pulls him in close. He takes a gulp of air. How can he be so afraid of losing something he’s never really had yet? But he is afraid, terrified, in fact.

“I don’t want you to leave your home if you don’t want to Cas, but we’re meant to be together, you know that. We have to find a way.” Cas doesn’t answer and Dean holds him out at arm’s length to look at him. “Don’t we?” he asks.

“I’ll do everything in my power to find a way,” Cas says, which is no answer at all, but the way that Cas clings to him before disappearing as quickly as he arrived at least gives Dean hope.

~~~~

The end of Dean’s ISS tour comes without another word from Cas and Dean can’t see how that can be a good sign whichever way he looks at it.

Dean’s finished all the jobs on his list, helped by the sleepless nights spent with one ear on the radio and one eye constantly over his shoulder in case Cas appears, but he doesn’t feel as satisfied with a job well done as he normally would.

 

To everyone else, his near-death on the EVA is now nothing more than a report filed away somewhere where it will never see the light of day again. To Dean it’s changed everything and not knowing if he’s ever going to see or even hear from Cas again is making his guts churn all day, every day. 

The geeks in control down on Earth came up with a bundle of theories about Dean’s miraculous return to the station, all, in Dean’s mind, as implausible as being rescued by a magical space elf but he hasn’t mentioned Cas since the time he was brought back into the station, and he’s not going to mention Cas and jeopardize his chance of another flight in the future. For all he knows that might be the next chance he gets to see him. He doesn’t know if Cas will be able to contact him on Earth; it doesn’t mean Dean’s going to give up trying.

He wonders when his next ISS tour will be but he knows it won’t be for a while, or even guaranteed.

~~~~

“Dean? Are you listening to me?”

“What? Yeah of course.” 

Sam glares at him. “What was I just saying then?”

Dean racks his subconscious but draws a blank. “Sorry,” he says sheepishly, “I’ve got nothing. Say it again.”

“What is wrong with you, Dean?” Sam gets up and pours himself another beer. He holds the bottle up for Dean but Dean shakes his head.

What’s wrong with Dean is Cas, or rather no Cas. Dean’s been back for a couple of months now and hasn’t heard a thing.

“Is it Cas?” Eileen asks, leaning forward sympathetically.

“Of course it’s Cas,” Sam says. He gets up and walks out of the room, his back ramrod straight, positively vibrating with disapproval.

Sam doesn’t get it. Sam believes that Dean believes in Cas but he doesn’t know why Dean believes in Cas. But Eileen, Sam’s girlfriend, gets it. Dean likes Eileen. She’s never questioned that Cas is real or doubted the legitimacy of how Dean feels about him. She even helped him boost a radio that he could use from home, for all the good that did; the most he’s ever gotten out of it is some strange space static like a thousand voices all chattering away at once.

Dean stares after Sam. “Yeah, it’s Cas.” He slumps back into the cushions on the armchair and stares at his knees, picking idly at a piece of fraying fabric at the knee, then looks back up at Eileen so that she can read his lips. “I mean I know I should just forget about him, and move on.”

“Why?”

Eileen, as always, hits the nail on the head.

“If he could contact me, he would’ve by now. He’s either decided not to, or had it decided for him. Either way, it’s not doing me or anyone who knows me any good to be moping around. I mean, look at your future husband over there,” Dean says, waving a hand in the direction Sam disappeared. “He’s supposed to be enjoying his new-found love.” Dean smiles pointedly at Eileen. “Not worried that his big brother is going mad. So I’m going to stop.” He sits up straighter. He’s not sure if you can tell yourself not to feel the things you’re feeling but he’s going to try. “From this moment on, no more pining over Cas,” he says.

Eileen looks as if she doesn’t believe him, and Dean’s not sure he believes himself.

Dean tries to forget Cas. He even gets to the point where he’s not checking the radio every other hour to see if Cas has tried to contact him. The heavy weight in his chest is still there, like there’s too little air, and Dean avoids the men and women that Sam and his Mom occasionally push his way, all people that in normal circumstances Dean would love to spend time with, and maybe more. Not now though, because none of them is Cas; some of them look like Cas, some of them sound a little like Cas, some of them even have his seriousness and loveable lack of understanding of all things human; but none of them are Cas.

Eileen understands but she keeps quiet and doesn’t challenge him, and when Dean gets notification that he’ll be back on ISS next year, all she says is, “Maybe you’ll find Cas?” and wishes him luck.

But every time Dean allows himself to get a little optimistic he stomps down on it quickly and he throws himself into his mission training, relieved to have something that takes up all his time. Well, nearly all. He keeps the radio turned on, but he checks it a lot less often.

~~~~

“We’re getting married.” Sam stands in front of him looking pleased as punch.

“That is frigging awesome.” Dean steps forward and gives him a massive bear hug.

Eileen appears out of the kitchen. “He told you then?” she asks, beaming.

Dean reaches for her and pulls her into the hug too. 

“I am so happy for you guys,” he says. “Sam, you picked good,” he adds, leaning back to look at them so that Eileen can see his lips. He gives Eileen a sisterly peck on the cheek and punches Sam light-heartedly on the arm.

“I think so too,” Sam says. Sam’s a lot more relaxed around him now that Dean doesn’t mention Cas anymore and things are back to normal between them. Another reason Dean realizes he was right to give up on ever seeing Cas again. His relationship with Sam has always been special and important to him and he should never have risked it.

“Have you told Mom yet?” Dean asks.

“Not yet. We’re heading over now. Do you want to come?”

Dean shakes his head. He’s a little envious to be honest. Happy for them of course, but sad he’ll never have this. He found his ‘the one’ and then he lost him again.

“You guys go,” he says. “I should probably bone up on the new ISS gizmos.”

Sam looks over his shoulder on his way out. “You will be my best man, won’t you?”

“Duh, obviously. Now, shoo.”

Sam and Eileen leave, laughing merrily, and Dean sits down heavy-hearted.

“Cas… Cas, where the hell are you? I need you.” 

Of course, there’s no answer.

~~~~

Dean looks around at the chairs arranged looking out to sea with the simple table perched at the front a few meters from the cliff edge. One of Dad’s old marine friends is standing by the table ready to officiate. The rings are in Dean’s pocket. The caterers have the food tables all laid out to one side, covered to stop the flies getting to the food.

A couple of Sam’s college friends are showing people to their seats. Eileen’s family is huge but Dean guesses that’s what comes with Catholic Irish heritage. Sam doesn’t have a lot of blood family but there’s a good showing of family friends new and old, and two whole rows of Sam’s college and lawyering pals; it’s going to make for a great day.

He’s been so busy over the past couple of months with helping to plan the wedding it feels strange to have nothing to do and he fiddles with the rings in his pocket wondering what he’s forgotten.

He looks up to the sky. “I wish you were here, Cas,” he whispers but Sam overhears him and glances at him. Dean shrugs. “Sorry.”

“Hello, Dean.”

Dean turns smartly on his heal and nearly loses his balance. He grabs hold of the back of a chair to hold himself up because there’s Cas. 

“Cas,” he blurts out. He lunges forward and wraps Cas in a hug.

“This is Cas?” Sam’s voice sounds incredulously in his ear. “Cas is real?”

Dean wipes his teary eyes on Cas’s shoulder, grabs Cas’s hand and continues to stare at him as he pulls back. Cas has swapped his tunic for a suit and trenchcoat that are too big for him, and his mop of untidy hair flattened in a largely unsuccessful attempt to tame it, but he’s still the same Cas. Dean can’t believe it. He holds on to him for fear he’ll disappear again. 

But Sam can see him so he must be real. 

“This is Cas,” Dean says in awe. “Cas, this is Sam.”

“Hello Sam,” Cas says solemnly. He reaches out a hand to shake as if unsure that it’s the correct protocol, but Sam shakes it enthusiastically. “Happy wedding,” Cas says when Sam lets go of his hand.

Sam laughs. “Thanks. I think you just made it better.” Sam glances down at the front row of chairs. “Dean. You better find your … Cas … a seat in the family row.” Sam looks at Dean seriously. “Sorry I didn’t believe you. I was expecting something a bit more … alien… to be honest.”

“I’m not an alien, I’m a space elf,” Cas grumbles under his breath.

“Where are your ears?” Dean asks, checking for Spock-like pointy bits. “Don’t tell me … it’s magic?”

Cas smiles a small smile. “My sister, Hannah, told me that they might stand out.” He looks down at himself. “She got me these clothes too. Are they appropriate?”

They’re completely uncool, but Dean doesn’t care. “They’re great,” he says. “We can get you some more –” He pauses. “If you’re staying.” He searches Cas’s face for an answer but it’s impassive and not giving anything away.

“I will be here often,” he says. “I have been given permission to come and go as I please. It appears I was unbearable.”

“Dean was too,” Sam interrupts, but kindly. “Now, can I get married because I’m going to be pretty unbearable if I don’t get to marry my beautiful lady sometime very soon.”

“It’s what I’m here for Sam,” Cas says, then looks at Dean. “And for Dean too, of course.”

**Author's Note:**

> Glossary  
> ISS=International Space Station  
> EMU=Extravehicular Mobility Unit (spacesuit)  
> EVA=Extravehicular Activity  
> LCVG=Liquid Cooling and Ventilation Garment


End file.
